i ordered a cake with this stripper!

I recently bought a record via itunes that came with that little red label “Explicit.” While the thrill of listening to explicit music for explicit’s sake has long left me, I couldn’t help but expect something a little shocking to the conscious, something I wouldn’t want to shout in front of my grandmother no matter how def she’s become. I listened to the record in its entirety and was left scratching my head. What exactly did the lead singer say that was offensive? While I was too lazy to google the lyrics or listen to the forty seven minutes over, I did have the energy to feel a little cheated. I recall with total clarity being seven years old, holed up in my playfort with a boom box while my friend Sean played his “Onyx” CD. It had a parental advisory sticker and I had the kind of joy that comes from taking a dip in the forbidden. It was a simpler time, as one listen of Onyx title hit, SLAM, explained why it had a rating sticker as Sticky Fingaz quips “Standin in my b-boy stance/ Hurry up and give me the microphone before I bust in my pants” before Sonee Seeza says “my mind, it's graphic, expresstic graphic - So kill the cop because it's kept all mastic” Whatever the hell that means, I couldn’t tell you, but Seeza seems less than pleeza’d with law enforcement. Other songs on the Onyz record include “Black V****a Finder” and “Bacdafucup” which is also the name of the record. Here’s what I’m saying, if I’m going to spend 9.99 on a record labeled “Explicit” it better be explicit. Petty? What would you say if you paid 9.50 to see a movie that stared Syvlester Stallone as Rambo but ended up being about Rambo building a greenhouse by his local elementary school to teach a group of troubled but well meaning youths about the joys of horticulture? You’d feel cheated, right? As you should. Rambo should bust domes and slice communists, not prune rose bushes. Explicit Parental Advisory stickers are like a stamp of approval from foul mouthed music lovers the world over. That's all I'm saying.

OUT M*ther F****r